How a Perfectly Crummy Day Can Turn Into the Best Day So Far.

Exhibit A:

No, your reading-backward-skills are not deceiving you.

That is indeed a letter from Elder Benj{amin} Bay.

If you don't know him,
well I guess you had better get on that, because 

he'll change your life.

And I happen to know that he is the absolute greatest missionary around.

 (Me? Biased? Nahhh.)

The mean reds paid me a visit today.

"The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of."

--Holly Golightly, Breakfast at Tiffany's


......Except for, I kind of do know what.

afraid of love afraid of being alone afraid of the future afraid of pain afraid of failing tests afraid of being used afraid of decisions afraid of eternity

Hum.

When it kinda feels like your entire world is falling apart, 

you begin to wonder 

how they expect you to pull it together 

long enough 

to get through the semester.

{and folks, the fact is, they don't take no blasted excuses}

A video worth watching. Please do.

I believe in the power of smiling. 

Today is a new day, a new week. Here's to making it a great one.

I want a boy to call me Ace. Is that too much to ask?

I've got this habit of falling in love with people that don't exist.
Take Logan Huntzberger, for instance.

'Sweird, because I don't usually go for the blonde ones, but for some reason this guy gets me every time.

I mean, when he says things like this.....

"It'll be fun, it'll be a thrill. Something stupid, something bad for you. Just something different. Isn't this the point of being young? It's your choice, Ace. People can live a hundred years without really living for a minute. You climb up here with me, it's one less minute you haven't lived."

.....it's kind of hard not to melt into a pool of overly-obsessive worship for him.
Understand what I mean?

I LOVE THE SUN.

Nuff said?

Nuff said.

"Oh Cecilia, I'm down on my knees. I'm begging you please to come home."

It was hard seeing you tonight.
I hate it, because it really shouldn't bother me anymore,
but for some reason it still hurts that every single time I see you
you're with another girl.

Haven't felt truly happy in a while it seems like. 

Not like I was with you. 

There's always that nagging something, you know? 

Like an itch on the side of your heart 

that you can't quite reach.

Oh buddy, I miss you so much you have no idea.

All I want to do is wrap my arms around you

and tell you I love you just one more time--

let you know how sorry I am for saying

those terribly selfish things.

Oh buddy, I love you so much you have no idea.

{sorry for the drama, folks}

Learned Today: Really nice (slash CUTE!) T.A.s who help me pass off are just the best.

Guess who finished their computer programming lab TWO days early???

 (instead of the usual two days late... cough)

Yeah. That's right.

Just call me Bill. (Billina...?)

Holding on to what I can't have.

As hard as I try
I just can't seem to let you go.

All those memories keep getting tangled up in my hair,
refusing to be forgotten.


----


Seeing your smile, the real one,
the one that made your eyes all crinkly,
the one that was so rare because you didn't give it away to just anyone,
the one that I fell in love with.

You stopping the car,
just so that you could hold me while I cried into you;
always willing to soak up my tears.

Getting texts from you, laughing because
it was physically impossible for you to send one
without at least one winky face.

You somehow miraculously finding out about my crash
even though you were a couple states away...
{how did you do that?}
and calling immediately to find out if I was okay.

After the crash, you picking me up every day for school
even though you had to get up earlier
because it was so out of your way.

You hiding in the back of my car
so that you could see me
the minute I got back from tour.

Going to that concert, you asking me to dance with you;
laughing harder than I ever had in my life
because I was so exquisitely happy
right then
with you.

One night, sitting next to you against the garage door,
talking--just talking. And sometimes not.
Either way, it didn't matter; you had your arm around me
and it felt right; safe.

And that time you held my hand so tight--tighter than ever--
so that I knew you never ever wanted to let go.


----


But you did let go.
Please just tell me... how?
Tell me so that I can do the same.