Holding on to what I can't have.

As hard as I try
I just can't seem to let you go.

All those memories keep getting tangled up in my hair,
refusing to be forgotten.


----


Seeing your smile, the real one,
the one that made your eyes all crinkly,
the one that was so rare because you didn't give it away to just anyone,
the one that I fell in love with.

You stopping the car,
just so that you could hold me while I cried into you;
always willing to soak up my tears.

Getting texts from you, laughing because
it was physically impossible for you to send one
without at least one winky face.

You somehow miraculously finding out about my crash
even though you were a couple states away...
{how did you do that?}
and calling immediately to find out if I was okay.

After the crash, you picking me up every day for school
even though you had to get up earlier
because it was so out of your way.

You hiding in the back of my car
so that you could see me
the minute I got back from tour.

Going to that concert, you asking me to dance with you;
laughing harder than I ever had in my life
because I was so exquisitely happy
right then
with you.

One night, sitting next to you against the garage door,
talking--just talking. And sometimes not.
Either way, it didn't matter; you had your arm around me
and it felt right; safe.

And that time you held my hand so tight--tighter than ever--
so that I knew you never ever wanted to let go.


----


But you did let go.
Please just tell me... how?
Tell me so that I can do the same.