Remember we said we were gonna live forever?

This song.

Last night it made me cry. Finally,
something was able to make me cry. For months
I've been containing those tears, afraid to own up
to the pain. Afraid those tears would make me hurt more.

When in fact, each tear that escaped somehow
healed a part of me. And this time, I knew
what I was crying for, and why I needed to cry for so long
and so hard.

It was because--

I don't know how to move on.
Or at least I didn't. The reason I couldn't get over him
was because I didn't want to.
But now, I do. Not because I don't still love him, but because this
will be better
for myself.

It was because--

I hate it when people tell me to 'just be myself.'
What if I don't know who that is?

Because--

I don't know how to feel the spirit anymore.

Because--

Now more than ever I feel the need to make something new, to create anything of worth.
But it's hard to be original.

Because--

Somehow my body doesn't let me translate my feelings into music like it used to.

Because--

If that one couple in high school--the one that was so perfect that anyone who saw them in the hall couldn't help but smile secretly to themselves, the one that no one ever expected would break up--if they couldn't even make it, is there any hope for me?

Because--

There are too many people that need to be loved, and too few that are willing to do the loving.

Because--

I don't know how to find peace.

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
Sad that those are probably the three words I've said most in my life.
When those three words should be I Love You.

BUT.

It's okay. Because I will be okay. After every last tear in my body had glided across my face and every uncertainty been realized, I finally felt the peace that for months I have been praying to find. The uncertainties are still there, but I feel reassured that I can now figure them out with confidence.

I'm ready to feel joy again--and pain.

Ready to replace the numbness.