Oh hai.

Dear you--you darling, all of you, and everything you are:

I just want you to know that when you meet me, I might not be all that you expect me to be. I'll probably be closed-off and awkward and I might be really bad at thinking of things to say. Upon our meeting, you might think that I don't care, but trust me; I do. I care so much about you and the life we'll build together and our tiny someday humans. Just promise me that you won't give up. Promise me that you'll try, and try, and try again. And I promise to do my best to let you see the more vulnerable parts of me that aren't so visible.

You see, I don't have a very good track record of making friends. I have a frighteningly hard time reaching outside myself and you'll never meet someone who is slower at building friendships. It'll take me a long time to be able to tell you about the things that really get me going and about the things that scare me to the core, even longer to be able to express how I feel about you, but just know that even though it's not in my mouth, it's in my heart. And it will come, eventually.

This might seem funny, but I'm actually grateful that I don't know who you are yet. Because this "being single" thing has helped me to learn to love myself a hell of a lot more than I ever have before. I've never been very good at being myself around people. I'm still not entirely comfortable in my own skin, but I'm more at peace with the little details about myself that I've never before been able to appreciate. So you have that to look forward to: The more confident, sure, open-minded version of myself.

A word about my family: You'll see for yourself that it is a big messy package, all wrapped up in a not-so-neat ribbon of cancer and divorce and absent fathers and depression. But they are my world and I hope that you'll do what you can to love them as much as I do. I can't wait to do the same with yours.

I know you won't be perfect--I don't want you to be. All I ask is that you love me, and all of me--the flawed and wholly imperfect someone that I am. And I'll love you, you darling someone, for everything. you. are.


With love, always with love,

Me